Old and Young at the same time!

Okay so I feel dazed. How could this have happened without me knowing about it? What happened? I don't know. All of a sudden I wake up and I'm not 18 anymore! You say come one Heather you haven't been 18 in 12 years! I know but all of sudden I'm the adult, the mommy, the one in charge, the evil grown up! Hey! I feel like I'm still 18, I know everyone says this but I didn't realize how true it would feel untill now. When did this happen? I know gradually over time my responsibilities have grown. It sort of crept up on me. So what brought this on you ask? Oh a bit of everything. My three year old is talking to me about what he wants to do when he grows up. ( A daddy) (like his daddy) a really good daddy like his daddy is.) He said this not me! So not much to freak out about right? Well William and I went to see Jack and Savannah (the kids I used to be a nanny for). They look so grown up! Definately not the toddlers I watched play with my baby! After that we went to see my father-in-law. He was just released from the hospital after having an operation to remove pre-cancerous polyps on his colon. Hey! I thought that only happens to old people. (Okay so Lewis is old but I remember visiting my grandma when she had cancer and my parents weren't that much older than I am now.) When did that happen? So the icing on the cake is this. David and I stayed up untill 12:30 am watching Jack Bauer!! It was fun but waking up this morning was not like anything I have felt before. Like I was hit with a two by four and than I looked in the mirror! (BAD MISTAKE) Who is this person looking at me? She has wrinkles by her eyes. Bags under her eyes. joints hurt, about 15 pounds overweight, about 5 gray hairs, and worse yet! I move slow!!! Like an old person!!! HEY!
So I just read a quote a couple of days ago by Neil A Maxwell. Paraphrasing it, he said the purpose of life is to break you. To become teachable, and humble, so that the Lord can prepare you for a Celestial life and Godhood! ( Okay so that is far too deep for my meager mind) Okay so I see the wisdom in that. However I don't think I like it. I loved being 18, but now that I have written my little rant I am realizing I don't think I would ever trade where I am right now. 18 was fun, exciting and full of anticipation, but was also challenging, difficult, nerve racking, intimidating, and I made ALOT of mistakes. So I think I 30 is definatly better than 18. I guess I still feel overwhelmed, and still make ALOT of mistakes but I am more sure of myself, I would hope I can say I am wiser than I was, I feel more at peace than I did when I was 18. I guess it is a trade off! I feel old but I also feel more fulfilled. ( I think it is only going to get worse) (or better if you really think about it) Okay so I feel better now! I love my life. I am grateful for my life. As long as I make good decisions so that the Lord can take care of me, I am sure I will get through this life better than expected.